My daily journey with Christ has been easy and then not these last couple of months. I am being persecuted by church-goers and listened to by the rejects of the Church. The Lord has been giving me opportunities that I am so thankful for to lift up His Name.
About three weeks ago, I went to a party not knowing what I was walking into. Let’s just say my mind was not all there, but it was not my fault. As I was in this odd state, I just randomly said while discussing my gay past few months (as I do with everyone….) “I just love Jesus, ya know! He’s so great! And….ya know. I’m not usually like this.” My surroundings were fine and opened. No one was in contention. “That’s good!” was the general response.
When I first entered my gay straight alliance at school, there was much defamation of Jesus in the beginning. Now, people see that I care a lot about Jesus and I speak up about the episcopal church and others that affirm us. These guys are my friends, and it strikes my mind everyone once in a while that it was an actual exaltation of His love.
My prayer life has been pretty lacking an it makes me very disappointed, but I keep speaking in tongues and keep on pleaing to God about certain things. I am always raising questions. I do not understand all that I am in right now, but it is an odd cleansing it seems.
I’ve been making a lot of mistakes between vicious fights with my parents and close friends after some worn of meds and opening myself up to wrong people. But, there is a freedom, too. I am finally understanding things without a fear of hell but an understanding of others.
I’m an Episcopalian now and am in process of being received officially. I haven’t gotten drunk in the Ghost about two months, but I feel him in the weirdest of places. I see Him at work, and I hear Him in my cries.
My views on hell are changing, my charismatic views, my atonement views, and my views on church discipline especially.
I seriously don’t know what is happening in a year or two. I have planned to finish my social work coursework and join the peace corps. I have planned to meet someone and possibly marry in a couple years, but it is all up in the air. I’m being stripped and filled in. Letting it all hang loose.
Thanks be to God everything.